Cut the Shit

Snark Attack!

I have dubbed today as Snarky Tuesday. I woke up in a fine mood and got on the subway in a fine mood. However, the minute I sat at my desk, the snark creeped up my fingers and found it’s destination in my heart. I could blame it on my douchebag boss or I could blame it on the students that drive me “up the wall” insane, but instead I’m going to redirect the snark towards those who deserve it most.

Topping my list of snarky hatred today is the NYC MTA. That’s the subway and bus system, for you non-New Yorkers. The MTA is so fucking annoying, I don’t even know how to explain it so you would get the full impact of its irritation quotient. The trains NEVER run on time, they disappear and don’t reappear for what seems like an eternity; and the icing on this bullshit of a cake, is that the employees (train conductors and the idiots that sit in the booths and sell subway passes) are such nasty people, there is no WONDER that there are stickers on the train saying “If you assault any subway personnel, you could be punished with a fine and jail time”. These people are the dredge of the Earth. They get paid VERY good money to do their job and God FORBID they actually smile at you while doing it. The subway is a nightmare for anyone who has to use it and these awful, awful people just make it that much worse. I hate you.

President George Bush would have made my list in this spot except that his approval rating is quickly approaching that of Richard Nixon’s after the Watergate Scandal. Why beat him up even more when the American Public is FINALLY seeing the light? I am so happy that his reign of terror is going to cause him to be remembered as one of the WORST presidents in the history of the United States. (insert an overabundance of clapping right here). Talk about making a bed and having to lie in it.

I hate people who take their own personal angst out on everyone around them. When I wake up in the morning, am I super happy to be alive and to be going to my unfulfilling job? Hell no. But do I slap on a shit-eating grin and do my work to the fullest? Hell yes. I have a few people in my life who have such thick sour pusses, I’m sure it’s become a permanent fixture on their face. Look…we all know life is hard and that being single or swamped at work is enough to push anyone over the edge. But seriously…get a fucking grip or just don’t talk to me. I don’t EVER bring you down with MY problems, please don’t attempt to bring me down with yours.

Jennifer Hudson. From past conversations I’ve had with people about her, it seems like you either love or hate her. Sure, she did a wonderful job in Dreamgirls, but the awards she’s receiving (including her Oscar nod) makes me cringe with annoyance. You’re not an actress, you’re a singer and a decent one at that. But in no way am I jumping on the Hudson train. It’s fun to be a flash in the pan, but honestly, that’s all it really can be. The part was written for greatness. I’m sure you’ll go to Broadway to reprise your role as Effie in the upcoming revival and that is totally fine with me. If you win the Oscar, however, I will vomit out of irritation. You simply don’t deserve it. Especially not when someone like Martin Scorsese has yet to take one home himself. There are too many more deserving actors and actresses in this world and you simply aren’t one of them.

Lindsay Lohan didn’t die yet? That’s such a disappointment. Why does any Hollywood director WORK with this train wreck? In death, she will be appreciated more than she ever could have been in life. God rest your soul.

The Apprentice and the truly despicable beast that is known as Donald Trump. God, he’s so disgusting, it’s hard to even write in my journal about him. From his Rosie tirades to the way he handles any question thrown his way - BLECH. He literally gives me the creeps and his over confident, pompous attitude leaves me wondering why anyone gives him the time of day. He’s useless. And having been a fan of The Apprentice in the past, I can now say that the show is officially doneski. Have you seen any of the latest episodes? Not only is it boring and filled with equally as annoying people, there’s just no point to it anymore. The tasks have been done OVER and OVER and OVER (recycled from past seasons and laden with product placement) and clearly there is nothing new or exciting about the show at this point. Replacing Carolyn and George was by far the worst mistake he’s made in the casting process so far. His busted daughter and triple chinned son are so exhaustingly lame that it was almost impossible for me to get through the last two episodes. I’d rather shove a stake in both eyes than have to endure another second of this blowhard. You’re dead to me. Get a plot next to Lindsay.

Iran. Cut it out. Just. Cut. It. Out. You’re going to make our war crazy president go after you with troops we don’t have and then I’m officially moving out of the states. And if my BROTHER has to go back to fight in this mess, I may gouge my eyes out with frustration.

The movie Catch and Release. What a piece of trash (although ARI says it’s just cuz I hate Jennifer Garner and she could be right). This line in the preview truly pisses me off: While wearing a wedding dress, Jennifer Garner says to Timothy Olyphant’s character “I never got a chance to wear it. It’s a girl thing.” Thanks a lot bitch. You just took the feminist movement back to the 60’s. And this movie is written by the writer of Erin Brockovich, Susannah Grant. You should be ashamed of yourself. And also, Kevin Smith??? Clearly, you’re in the wrong movie. Clearly, you shouldn’t be playing YOURSELF in another movie. Enough.

American Idol. Tragic and downright mean. And Paula? If you don’t have Parkinson’s, then you’re a liar AND a drunk.

But to end this post on a positive note…is there an angelic singer more wonderful than Regina Spektor? I’ve almost got her entire album committed to memory, yet I’m STILL finding little nuggets of genius amongst it. Check her out, if you haven’t done so already. This artist is classically trained on the piano and her voice is so original and on point. Songs to download: “Better”, “Samson”, and “Apres Moi”. You'll fall madly in love. Trust me.

Have a snarkfilled day everyone!